Saturday, December 6, 2008

Know Your Lions

As previously stated, it's very easy to watch PSU football, get lost in the game, and merely look at our players as athletic pawns in a college system. This cannot happen. These boys that lock it up for our entertainment every weekend are real kids. They have back stories, most of them far more colorful than the humble jerseys they don. It's just a shame that most of us will never get so much as a glimpse into their personal lives. This segment delves into a selected player's personal life to show us a little more of the person, and less of the athlete.

The next player in the queue for this feature is Josh Gaines.

Trust me on this: He is much wider than you think.

What you didn't know about #47*:

  • Recognized by Guinness as the record holder of world's largest "sausage fingers".
  • Despite the name "Josh", is not actually Jewish.
  • Ate a brick.
  • Most hated castaway was Gilligan. Because no matter what happened, Gilligan had FAIL written all over him. Much like certain ex-QBs of similar physical stature.
  • Still wakes up crying over homeless dog his parents wouldn't let him keep when he was 10 years old, at mile marker 172 in South Carolina off of I-95.
  • Has never shaved (his face).
  • Holds PSU record for "Most Kickers Stuffed into the Trunk of Josh Gaines' Car".
  • Refuses to play "Guitar Hero". Believes it's downright sinful to believe you are playing an actual instrument, when, in reality, you are just pushing any combination of 5 buttons. This does not impress Josh**.
  • Earned the nickname "Robot Ham". His teammates won't say how.

So there ya go. If you have any further info on young Josh, feel free to leave it in the comments.

*because I made it up
**or because he can't play due to said "sausage fingers"