it's been awhile.....

Figure 1-1: Remember, Dan, that you have to defile the corpse by urinating on it. Otherwise, it just keeps coming back.

A big congratulations to Dan Connor for winning the Chuck Bednarik award for college football's best defensive player. He beat out the notable DT from LSU, Dorsey (can't remember his first name and too hungover to research), and the less notable James Laurinits. So OSU can sukkit. Every month some asshat from OSU goes onto Scout.com shooting his man-pleaser off about how their school is the real Linebacker U. Do you have better linebackers? really? what hardware did you get.....awwwwwwwww. While I do admit Laurinitis is a good in pass coverage, that's about all he does well. And run stopping is kind of a good think in a linebacker. I am actually kind of impressed he won it over the Dorsey soul-eater.

So now onto the bowl season. We got Texas A&M. Interesting matchup. Remeber last time we met they bragged about how their linebackers were better? Yeah, that was good times.

The only thing I know about the Aggies is that Bear Bryant was once their coach. And Tom Beringer was too, i think. It was an espn special about 60 dudes in the texas heat, sweating on each other, cursing, and shirts off. There may have been football involved, but who has time for that?

(note: this is my most flagrantly non-gay post ever. If you even raise an eyebrow to what i wrote above, you are gay, ande i will question your manhood in public)

They are also horrible at building towers. Too soon?

On to other news

• The Eagles almost beat the Pats last night. If not for two god-awful passes, the outcome might have been different. As my roomate put it, "Feeley throws the ball too late in the route, and then hangs it up there". Yeah, that's about right. However, I found myself thinking during this game, "Is it me, or does this OL only block for qbs NOT named McNabb?" Dunno. Still, an inspired performance like that is worthy of being chronicalled in an anthem by Rush.
• Speaking of Futrama references:

Figure 1-1: Good News Everyone! The long wait is almost over

On to news around the Big Ten: Mike over at BSD is reporting that Kirk Ferentz is being considered for the head coach vacancy/power vacuum that is Michigan. Don't know what to think of this one. Iowa has underperformed since 2003. Other rumors include Tom Bradley going to Pitt as a result of Wannstache being demoted to waterboy.

In PSU news: Bowl announcements coming soon. Personally, I think a nice game agains a despondant Kentucky or Texas would be about right. Definately would watch that. Or an ape fight. Again, with the Futurama references:

Figure not shown because I couldn't find the picture from "Futurestock" of the Apefight. You get the metaphor.

Weird

While writing the former post, i remembered the dream I had last night. In it, Connor and Bradley were being interviewed about the MSU game. Bradley was yukking it up while Connor had the look on his face (see above picture). Finally, Connor had enough, and responded that the DEs did not have enough strength to "toss the tackles of MSU" (his words, more or less), and that we should have never played that rediculous soft zone. He alluded to the defensive performance in the first and second halves, and the major differences.

Bradley looked visibly stunned. I then went on to a dream where it was chic for everyone to wear Magnum P.I. type mustaches, which is ninjas-with-lasers cool.

Final Thoughts

The following is my summation of what is garnered from the 2007 trainwreck that ended in losing to MSU.

Many bloggers have already stated that this is a forgettable season. I for one, will never forget such wasted talent, such missed oppurtunities, and other tragic cliches to describe the Nitts season. I don't want to forget. Forgetting this season would not let me look back in awe of everything the 2005 team accomplished. Yes, I like to live in the past.

I put the onus squarely on the coaching for the shortcomings of this team, starting at the top:

1. Joe: cleaning the stadium was a great idea. However, you did not let them complete the season's cleaning. Further, destroying the offensive scheme the night before the Michigan game shows that either 1)you have no balls or 2)you have no faith in the offensive coaches. Lastly, you've publically gotten soft on the kids.
2. Jay and Galen: Shame on you for not standing up for your players. You did a shitjob in developing Morelli, and the fact that you use playstation games to train your players proves that point. Laslty, when an unheard of freshman RB is torching the MSU defense, you called four (4) pass plays in a game where Morelli, who is the antithesis of "clutch", is playing marginal. I guess I should thank you for giving the landgrant trophy back to MSU; that thing is a f^&king abomination.
3. Tom Bradley. What the hell is wrong with you? Playing soft zone so your d gets destroyed? Do you even understand what that does to their psyche? After the Illinois and Indiana games, it was even obvious to my mother that rushing 4 just does not work against a properly coached offensive line. Last week was an absolute disgrace, giving up a 24-7 lead in the second half to a team that went tete-a-tete with Michigan.

Don't get me wrong, I am very tolerant about mistakes. It's when you consistantly make the same mistake, or fail to adapt to the obvious (see gameplans from the past 10 years vs. michigan), one can clearly be labled as either dimwitted or insane.

I can not think of one example of a team, or season, that was ruined by its coaching staffs. Think about 3 of the 4 losses: Michigan, OSU, and MSU. I know our kids can out play the Michigan folk, and OSU might be a stretch. But, we'll never know because we simply got outcoached in every one of those games.

The caveat to this theory is the Illinois game: our defense made the necessary adjustments to beat Juice, but Morelli turned into the absolute clusterf#$k. Yeah, that's 2 f-bombs in one blog post. Clearly, I am very disturbed right now about the state of this team.

I wrote in one of my first posts on this blog that I don't know if Joe should be allowed to coach any more. I now have my answer. It's not just him, it's the people he has under him as well. What needs to be done? Previous culture just revolted and stormed the castle. Not a bad idea, I could use a little violence right now. For now, the coaching staff needs the metaphorical enema.

For one, I am now jealous of Michigan. LLoyd Carr is leaving, and they now have a great oppurtunity for change. We are stuck in a hopeless marriage that will never end in divorce. Kind of like the Clinton's circa 1985, but that turned out just fine.

...And Spartans on Attack

Figure 1-2: A metaphor for minimalist warmongering

First and foremost, everything I have read about the Hub incident sickens me. I don't care what started it, do these players not know they are held to a higher standard? Could they be that stupid?

The short answer is yes. Reports stem from Chris Bell off the top rope, to a good old fashion stomping from the lineman. I'm through with these lesions. Suspend for first offense. Otherwise, get rid of 'em.

Baker needs to be banished from Happy valley forever. His thugginess belongs somewhere south of the border, but definitely not at PSU.

Timmons is done for the year. Additionally, he now has to change his first name. No player named "Knowledge" should be involved in two altercations in one year. That's just flat out hypocritical.

As for the rest(Phil Taylor, Abe Koroma, Thom McEowen, Chris Bell, Willie Harriott, Devon Fentress, Toriano Moody and Johnnie Troutman ), screw you guys for the rest of the season, the bowl game, and spring practice. Once finals are done, tell them to pack their shit and get out of town. Call them from the bowl game. Tell them it is mandatory to get involved in Jerome Hayes' anger management class. It worked wonders for him (see Notre Dame cheapshots). Tell each one of them they have to apologize to the graduating seniors for screwing up their team.

Think about this-would Joe have put up with this back in the 80s and 90s? NO, resoundingly. Back then, people were kicked off the team for having a beer at the airport.

Now what? We have a not-so-police friendly Michigan State coming into town this weekend. This is another team that should have beat Michigan, but alas, they cannot defend the long ball. Well, maybe that's not fair considering Michigan lost Tacopants to the Philadelphia Eagles.

My scouting of MSU comes from watching said game. The first half, they were awful. The second half, they decided to just keep the ball on the ground, with great results.

For PSU to win:

• Pray that the underclassmen can step up.
• Same offensive gameplan as Purdue
• Michigan can run the ball effectively-Bolster the middle of the line with Connor. Keep Lee or Sales attached to MSU wunderkind TE Kellen Davis-he and Devon Thomas are a real threat to our blitz.
• Maurice Evans has to wreak havoc again. I hate the fact that we have to rely on him due to incarceration, but there it is.
• No more kicks returned for TDs.

I would be more optimistic if we had Bowman and Baker with us. But I can't be. This was supposed to be the season where Morelli becomes the leader of the offense, the D shuts everyone down, and free beer.

PSU 23, MSU 13. What can I say, I am indeed still a believer that somehow this team will find a way to win against an equally crappy MSU team.

Failed expectations

• Chris Bell becomes a real threat
• Best CBs in the B10
• King a top 10 draft pick
• Scirotto dealing out justice over the middle
• Morelli becomes an above-average QB
• B10 championship
• 12-0. We never had a schedule so easy.
• Austin Scott channels LJ
• Quarless channels Kyle Brady
• Wallace starts at CB by week three at Michigan
• We beat Michigan

Maybe that one isn't fair to Wallace. Bradley had a way of playing the corners 10 yards off the LOS. It's really not Wallace's fault.

Good Stuff

What did we do right? What do we have to look forward to? Please keep in mind these are all overshadowed by the off-field behavior of certain players.

• The O-line becoming a frighteningly cohesive unit. Everyone said that this was the weak spot on our team. Ask our RBs how they feel about that prediction.
• Kinlaw and Royster. First names redacted because I keep messing them up. I talked with them last week, and they forgive me. And by "them" I meant that girl's boobs I was staring at in the bar last week. They always forgive me somehow....
• Derrick Williams-it took him awhile, but he is quickly becoming that exciting freshman we all knew from 2 years ago.
• The receiving corps. Kudos all around.
• DC-40 breaking Poz's record.
• Ending our loss streak to Iowa.

Still, the negatives are greatly outweighing the positives. I kind of just want this season to end, kick some players off the team, watch Connor get drafted, and fast forward to a great blue and white game.

And finally...

This week's Admiral Akbar award goes to the Oklahoma/Texas Tech matchup. Again, with the flimsy premace.

Recap of Last Weekend

The good:

• The food.
• I got drunk
• PSU won
• I got to see some friends

The Bad:

• Philadelphia just keeps getting dirtier
• PSU played very unremarkable football
• Morelli fumbles again.
• Event planners need to be castrated for their planning of the tailgating atmosphere. Here's why: 12 port-o-johns. 15,000 people. Nobody directing traffic. Level 3 riots at the one location that had'em. On top of that, they decided to bring a hook and ladder through the mob outside at around 10 am. Just stupifying. Organizers fully knew the size of the crowd that was coming due to the large amount of tickets sold. 69,000 tickets were bought.
• God-awful weather. At least it kept the beer cold.

Again, Philly had the chance to show the out-of-towners what a great city it is. And it dropped the ball. In short, if Philadelphia can't learn to clean itself up, it deserves the reputation of being a nasty city. I'm pretty sure that all the trash causes an unhealthy situation for the inhabitants, hence why so many mutants are running around. And these aren't the good kind, like Jean Grey and her gravity-defying breasts. Nope. Kind of like pissed off moorlock-mutants. And they are breeding...

At least I have this week to look forward to claiming this trophy:

Figure 1-1: For the love of God, why?

Seriously, I would rather just have an out-of-conference rivalry, with say, 'Bama. Both fanbases respect each other, and they could play for the lion's tail, joepa's glasses, or Bryant's hat. All three are solid. Instead, we get to play for something that looks like a freshman's architectual design from the 70's.

I Give a Hoot..

Figure 1-2: "Mr. Owl, does Temple playing at the Linc have anything to do

with the Eagles being cursed?"

Bloggers note: again, this is not the format i was going for. please bear with me.

That's owl-humor. Get it? Yeah, like you could come up with something better, so back off.

So now onto Temple, and then Michigan State, or as I like to call it, the Ashley Simpson part of the schedule. Not nearly as exciting as their more talented predecessors, but still good enough to masturbate to.

I will be heading up to Philly for the game. Apparently, the lots open 5 hours before kickoff, meaning that I will be openly intoxicated by 8 AM. What's on the menu? Brats, leftover beer from the Michigan road trip(American Ale gets better with time, right?), chips, and the coup de grace, 8 lbs. of roasted pork for sandwiches served with extra sharp cheese, and maybe some broccoli rabe. That's food that Britney Spears would sell her kid for.

What do I expect?

• Temple is actually better this year, so it will not be a blowout until the second half.
• Kinlaw gets the lion share (another mascot pun. am on a roll) of carries when the game is in hand.
• Morelli doesn't see the 4th quarter.
• We open up throwing deep

I am kind of interested to see who will be getting the reps in the 4th (knock on wood).

Prediction:

PSU 41, Temple 17