IT'S ON

Peep this:
"One A&M yell leader, during a pep rally Thursday night, told the crowd that Paterno was "on his death bed" and "someone needs to find him a casket"

I know that i've complained about paterno in the past, but the following statement is in no way hypocritical:
Fuck the Aggies. You DO NOT attack the figurehead of my beloved football program. The only acceptable act of pennance would be for them all to go sit on a corncob.

That is all for now, as I need ether to calm me down.

Alamo Bowl (part 2)

Some news concerning the sporting world:

• The Pats-Giants game will be televised nationally instead of just flying solo on the NFL network. I would have more respect for said network if they flew an add which stated, "Look, it started out as a bet. We were drunk in an Indonesian whorehouse, using high-grade opium and doling out 4-year old Asians like they were Halloween candy. Someone said that we could sell football on a niche network even if we had the worst production values possible, and found announcers who couldn't know less about football. We were wrong. We will never try this (the network, not the vice) again. Our bad." I probably would forgive them. On a side note, to truly feel the impact, I suggest that (asshat) Bryant Gumble go on "The View" for two weeks straight, just so the women can feel our pain. Look, I know they have that whole childbearing pain to deal with, but this is far worse.
• Philly.com is reporting some PSU players will not be making the trip to San Antonio:

"Five Penn State players, including starting defensive tackle Chris Baker, did not make the trip with their teammates for Saturday night's Alamo Bowl game against Texas A & M. Coach Joe Paterno had said Baker, reserve linebacker Navorro Bowman and reserve cornerback Knowledge Timmons would accompany their teammates, but that was before Centre County District Attorney Michael Madeira re-filed felony charges against Baker and Bowman for their roles in an Oct. 7 party in which they allegedly attacked and injured a man.
Timmons is facing misdemeanor charges stemming from the same incident.
Baker, Bowman and Timmons also did not travel with the team for the Nov. 17 regular-season finale at Michigan State. Also remaining behind was Willie Harriott, a backup cornerback and special-teams mainstay who had missed time earlier this season for underage drinking. He was cited Nov. 11 in Ferguson Township for driving under the influence.
Redshirt freshman tackle Tom McEowen, from Neshaminy High, did not travel with the team for unspecified reasons."

Word on the street is that McEowen is staying behind because he is academically ineligible. So bully for Paterno; there is some shred of team dignity left. That is until I saw that Morelli is refusing to talk to the media.

F-him. Play him for a half, then get Clark and/or Devlin in there. Then, pick up a competent QB coach. One that hasn't the first clue of what a playstation is.

So, instead of this being the swan song for one of the greatest LBs to ever wear the uniform, this is turned into the Morelli circus. Thanks, dude. Now go get a job tending bar, or whatever park management majors do.

The Alamo Bowl

Figure 1-1: Note the sleazy hotel sign which reads "Crockett Hotel"

Well, enough of the complaining-what's done is done and now we focus in on San Antonio. Note: leave Brian Norwood behind to save on moving expenses.

I went to basic training at Lackland AFB, which is about 5 miles from downtown San Antonio. It's hot, and one's genitals get sticky. Funky, New Jersey-like smells ensue. Also, they have giant freakin' rabbits running around everywhere. And these beasts are not afraid of the scorpions. I believe they were the driving force behind "Donnie Darko".

Anyhoo, at the end of basic, everyone received an all-day pass to visit wherever one wants to. Luckily, my girlfriend at the time came down to visit me, and we*cough* liberally used her hotel downtown.

So we met up with my folks (who silently disapproved of her, but understood) along the riverwalk, and went to Dick's Last Resort. Which is the only redeeming feature of San Antonio-screaming at the waiting staff is encouraged. Further, I was allowed to discard my rib bones on the ground. It was glorious. Lastly, the Riverwalk constantly had wooden benches launched into it from said establishment. Verily, we found a taste of home.

Being now in a good mood(c'mon, I had meat and sex within 1 hour of each other), we made the obligatory trip to the Alamo. I did some fact checking on this one: a Catholic mission with 200 people held out for 13 days against 6,100 (1,500 involved in the assault) professional Mexican soldiers. You read that right. Last I checked, missions are not designed with siege repulsion in mind. What does this mean?

(any one or combination of the following apply)

1. The Mexicans attacked a religious order. God has hated them since.
2. The Mexicans had extremely dimwitted military leadership. Of course, Cortez sneezed and dominated this country in no time flat.
3. The US was just that...damn...good.

So there you have it: The US gave a valiant effort, fought for 13 days, alone, and got beat. Supposed to be a romantic metaphor there, I guess. I don't know. I tend to think that the people there are more symbolic of putting up a hopeless struggle because Texas, especially Sam Houston, couldn't get their shit together to mount a decent rescue mission.

As you can tell, this post was written in a holiday hangover state. I ate most of a cow and 12 pirogi. Plus, I do think my family is full of alcoholics. Badass, polish alcoholics that can drink your family under the table, and then polka your ass off. Yeah.

Final thoughts on the Alamo Bowl tomorrow. Until then, Merry Christmas.

Almost forgot

It's been awhile, and the NFL has more than amply provided the flimsy premice to issue the Seal of Akbar!



This week's award goes to the New England Patriots, in their upcoming "effort" against the Jets. I suppose this doesn't really work because that would mean that the Pats are the Rebel Alliance, and we should be rooting against them. Why? Because FUCK THEM, that's why.

Still, the Seal of Akbar is the balls.

Ugh

Figure 1-3: No need to panic

The recent slew of coaching changes gives me some pause. To start, safeties coach Norwood (Brian's pop) is leaving the program for Baylor. I have no problem with this-he has proven himself as a very competent coach, and he deserves his chance. Best of luck to him. PSU promoted Kermit Buggs, who scores a 10 out of a possible 10 points on the freakin' cool name scale. I just pray the man doesn't have a fat wife, for obvious reasons.

Last night, Petrino bowed out of the Atlanta job, for which I also have no problem with. See yesterday's post.

Lloyd "Get off my lawn" Carr leaves Michigan. Plenty of coaches are asked to take his spot, most notably Les Miles and Greg Schiano, and all decline.

The latest rumor is that LJ senior is leaving the den, so to speak. He can't leave, as he is by far my favorite coach. Not only does he know DL talent, he consistently produces NFL lineman. In short, he gets the most from his players.

The first vacuum I would like to address is the recruiting implications. To start, Norwood is our connection in the south. D'antonio Lynn, for example. I now doubt we will be seeing him in Blue and White.

What hurts even more is the recruiting gap if we lose LJ Sr. All reports indicate that the kids love this guy, and respond to him. Personally, I would like to see him as our next coach, but that will never happen due to JayPa and Bradley looking at the rights to succession.

We know from Kermitt's record that he does have a good history of coaching, and there was probably a good reason to hire him considering that Norwood is from Texas and most likely hates the weather in HV. But who is going to fill LJ's shoes if he leaves?

I hate to admit it, but FSU was right to name a successor. This at least puts aside the uncertainty of head coaching for the next few years. But we are not FSU.

In short, I fear that:

1. A coaching exodus is about to occur
2. Said coaching exodus is occurring because Joe is going to name Jay is his successor. Read that again. If that doesn't make you scream just at least lesser obscenities, then you really don't understand why our team was doomed to fail this year.

Of course, this is all rear-eschelon paranoia. But don't be surprised if you see my face on the above picture.

Also, I think LJ looks like Rolf, so it would entirely be a photoshoppers wet dream to see the Kermitt and LJ together.

Game last night....

Figure 1-2: He's innocent, right? That's why he should gain his immediate freedom?

Did anyone else want to throw their beverage of choice at the tv last night when roddy white lifted his shirt, revealing the above t-shirt? When one makes these statements, it almost looks like a war-cry from the falcons.

First off, "free ookie" would have been much more appropriate. And funnier, considering it looks like a 3-year old's handwriting. In crayon.

(seconedit-i lifted some of this off of KSK. yeah, i am that lazy)Second, let's review the facts:Mike Vick lied about slaughtering a bunch of dogs. To federal agents, his boss, etc. Then he sort of admitted it. Then he lied about it again...on a polygraph. then he failed a drug test while out on bail. Then, the guy plead guilty.

And of course, he killed dogs in some of the most inhumane ways possible. And let's not forget the rape stand.

Ignorance of this magnitude, on both white and vick's part, should never be rewarded. Instead, the inbread mouthbreathers of atlanta still cheered.

I use mike vick as a metaphor for rampant ignorance, ghetto behavior, and extreme lack in human morality. They (his backers) use it for to signify one man's struggle against repression.

I am pretty sure MLK is spinning in his grave right now.

Edit-it just occurred to me that the above t-shirt can be construed as the falcons are giving away Michael Vick for free for any takers. Just get rid of him. If it were this, then I am a Falcons fan. Given the stupidity of the moment, i am guessing it is the former. So. Fuck. Them.

nuts, bolts, connor got

Figure 1-1: An appropriate metaphor

No sooner than I bask in the warmth of Connor's Bednarik, some asshat determines that Laurinitis should win the Butkus award for the nation's best linebacker. Something seems amiss here. Let's look at the meaningful stats for linebackers (thanks TINNOMJ, and cfbstats)

"Dan Connor had 136 tackles this year, Laurinaitis had 103. Not even close, DC-40 Dominates.Dan Connor had 14 TFL, Laurinaitis had 8.5. DC-40 is better in this regard, it is a fact. Look it up.Dan Connor had 6.5 sacks, Laurinaitis had 5. Last time I checked, 6.5 is more than 5.Dan Connor had 6 passes broken up, Laurinaitis had 1.To be fair, Laurinaitis did have 2 Interceptions this year to Dan's 1. "

and in the spirit of fairness:

Jordan Dizon: 149 tackels, 11.0 TFL, 4.0 sacks, and 2.0 interceptions.

These are respectable numbers for Dizon, so congrats to his accomplishments this year. He did better than Laurinitis, as well.

So what happenned? Connor gets the award for best defensive player. Laurinitis gets the award for best linebacker. This seems a little counter-intuitive for me. Personally, I think Glenn Dorsey should have won the Bednerik, and Connor wins best LB. At least that would make sense.