More Stuff...

By now, you should have heard about Maryland luvin' LJ Sr. like a fat kid loves cake; he hustled two more stellar recruits, Brandon Felder and Sean Stanley, from Larryland's talent pool.

Not that I am hating on the trend, but for us part-time (ed-lazy) bloggers, this sudden damburst of recruiting talent has left us struggling to keep up.

Since I am one hell of a guy (and handsome to boot), I will provide you other hacks out there with a time saving device that in the biz we like to call a form paragraph. Form paragraphs are a must in my line of work, and enable one to efficiently describes a multitude of situations in a timely, pre-written format. Kind of like Mad Libs for adults, sans the cockhumor.

Areas to be filled in/suggestions are in parenthesis.

(Date)

_______(FOS, RUTS, Rivals, BSD) is/are reporting that recruiting demigod LJ. Sr. continues his silver tongued ways, this time stealing the highly-touted ______(Maryland, Virginia) recruit ________(recruit's name) from _______(institutional name) _________(Academy, Prep, High School, Gladiator Academy).

For Defensive Lineman
______(recruit's name) finished his junior year voted all-_____(state, conference, metro) by the ____(relevant newspaper), racking up __ tackles, __ TFL, __ sacks, __ forced fumbles, and/or _____(other relevant statistic). Here's the gamefilm:

(youtube clip of him separating a "skill position" player from their shoes/consciousness/dreams).

The scouting report on _____(recruit’s name) describes him as possessing _______(a good motor, good technique, good explosion, balance, a high midichlorian count)

(HS coaches relevant quote)

_____(recruit's name) is reporting a 3.__ GPA, as well as ______(ACT, SAT, equivalency). Stars be damned, this kid has got offers from ______, ______, and _______ (VT, Michigan, Illinois, OSU, Texas, Maryland, Notre Dame, other relevant program), and it never hurts to steal one from those teams.

For DBs
____(recruit’s name) finished his junior year voted all- _____(state, conference, metro) by the ________(relevant newspaper), racking up ___ interceptions, ___ passes defended, ___ tackles, and/or _______(other relevant statistic). Here's the game film:

(youtube clip of a safety without a conscience, or CB showing blazing reaction skills. Special team return skills should be added as necessary)

The scouting report on _____(recruit’s name) describes him as _______(scrappy, deceptively quick, quick to react, gangbuster, ballhawker, smart, leader, Jesus-like)

(HS coaches relevant quote)

______(recruit’s name) is reporting a 3.__ GPA, as well as _________(ACT, SAT, equivalency). Stars be damned, this kid has received offers from _________, ________, and ___________ (VT, Michigan, Illinois, OSU, Texas, Maryland, Notre Dame, other relevant program), and it never hurts to steal one from those guys.

Optional
______(recruit’s name), also doubles as a return guy, so we could potentially get some bonus use out of him.

WR
____(recruit’s name) finished his junior year voted all- _____(state, conference, metro) by the ________(relevant newspaper), racking up ___ catches, ___ running yards, ___ TDs, and/or _______(other relevant statistic). Here's the game film:

(youtube clip of player one handing grabs, catching the long ball, breaking tackles, blocking downfield, hugging his momma)

The scouting report on _____(recruit’s name) describes him as having_______(having excellent hands, break-away speed, blocking skills, leadership skills, nunchuck skills)

(HS coaches relevant quote)

______(recruit’s name) is reporting a 3.__ GPA, as well as _________(ACT, SAT, equivalency). Stars be damned, this kid has received offers from _________, ________, and ___________ (VT, Michigan, Illinois, OSU, Texas, Maryland, Notre Dame, other relevant program), and it never hurts to steal one from those guys.

Optional

______(recruit’s name), also doubles as a return guy, so we could potentially get some bonus use out of him.

______(quote of recruit's reason for coming to PSU. Should include praise of LJ Sr., and not of other, less talented coaches)

Welcome to Happy Valley _____(recruit's name)!
_______ (WE ARE, FOR THE GLORY OF STATE)

So there ya go; next time LJ snags another big fish, just use the above, and save yourself some time. Modify as you see fit; however, if you do, in fact, use my above work, I demand compensation in the form of one (1) monkeyboy the next time I roll into town.

Pucks

Moving on to hockey, the Pens done got worked again. As With Leather has pointed out, this series is more or less an extension of this:

Ugh, I feel for ya Pens fans.

Ugh

Figure 1-3: No need to panic

The recent slew of coaching changes gives me some pause. To start, safeties coach Norwood (Brian's pop) is leaving the program for Baylor. I have no problem with this-he has proven himself as a very competent coach, and he deserves his chance. Best of luck to him. PSU promoted Kermit Buggs, who scores a 10 out of a possible 10 points on the freakin' cool name scale. I just pray the man doesn't have a fat wife, for obvious reasons.

Last night, Petrino bowed out of the Atlanta job, for which I also have no problem with. See yesterday's post.

Lloyd "Get off my lawn" Carr leaves Michigan. Plenty of coaches are asked to take his spot, most notably Les Miles and Greg Schiano, and all decline.

The latest rumor is that LJ senior is leaving the den, so to speak. He can't leave, as he is by far my favorite coach. Not only does he know DL talent, he consistently produces NFL lineman. In short, he gets the most from his players.

The first vacuum I would like to address is the recruiting implications. To start, Norwood is our connection in the south. D'antonio Lynn, for example. I now doubt we will be seeing him in Blue and White.

What hurts even more is the recruiting gap if we lose LJ Sr. All reports indicate that the kids love this guy, and respond to him. Personally, I would like to see him as our next coach, but that will never happen due to JayPa and Bradley looking at the rights to succession.

We know from Kermitt's record that he does have a good history of coaching, and there was probably a good reason to hire him considering that Norwood is from Texas and most likely hates the weather in HV. But who is going to fill LJ's shoes if he leaves?

I hate to admit it, but FSU was right to name a successor. This at least puts aside the uncertainty of head coaching for the next few years. But we are not FSU.

In short, I fear that:

1. A coaching exodus is about to occur
2. Said coaching exodus is occurring because Joe is going to name Jay is his successor. Read that again. If that doesn't make you scream just at least lesser obscenities, then you really don't understand why our team was doomed to fail this year.

Of course, this is all rear-eschelon paranoia. But don't be surprised if you see my face on the above picture.

Also, I think LJ looks like Rolf, so it would entirely be a photoshoppers wet dream to see the Kermitt and LJ together.