Friday, January 11, 2008

It's Friday....

And you know what that means:

Figure 1-2: "Move the fleet away from the Death Star"? You Pussy.

Interesting matchups this week to choose my trap game from. The most obvious choice is the Cowboys/Giants matchup. Why obvious? Let's look at the rundown:

  1. Tony Romo. Besides playing his worst football of the year going into the playoffs, his team has turned into a de facto MASH unit. Guess who gets to play "Hot Lips Houlihan"? No, not T.O.
  2. Again, Tony Romo. He can be directly blamed for last year's snatching-defeat-from-victory highlight. You know, the one that prevented my roommate from talking to me for 48 hours because he was so upset. One would think that Romo would be motivated to make up for last year's impression of "Ben Hands"*. But no, he's off scoring with some blond ditz down in Mexico. With her father, of course, properly supervising every sexual encounter. F$%king creepy, that's what that is.
  3. The New York Giants defying everyones' expectations and playing strong football, despite injuries and Eli Manning. On a side note, last week's victory more than insures that Coughlin will not be fired. Which is kind of cool, considering how much I love to see the "Tom Coughlin" look of perplexion. I imagine that he has this look when he comes home one night to find his wife in bed with Belicheck, and thinks "What the hell? Wait, that's Belicheck. Should I join them? How should I act? I mean, it's Bill freakin' Belicheck. I should say something. Something cool, that would totally save the moment. O god, he's finished and leaving. Say something, you fool! Awkward..."

Nah, it's just to easy to go with the herd on this one and predict the upset. I fully expect Dallas to win. Note that I am not rooting for either team, but rather want to see Eli Manning in pain.

Dallas 27, Giants 10.

What about the Jax/Pats matchup? Again, too obvious. Although I hate everything about New England, and would love to see the Jags win, it just ain't gonna happen.

Pats 24 Jax 21

What about the Colts/Chargers matchup? No such luck there. I have no vested interest in this game, other then to see Rivers' overrated ass go down hard. Seriously, other teams are doing more with less talent then he has surrounding him. See Jacksonville, and the NYG. I am pretty sure that even the Sex Cannon could properly operate this team. The problem herein lies in that I like LDT, and believe he deserves more. Of course, if Eli had stayed on this team, I would be praying for San Diego fires to re-ignite. What, too soon?

Colts 33 Chargers 13

And that just leaves the Packers/Seahawks matchup, which is just dripping with latent trap game scenarios. January in Lambeau, Farvre, a resurgent team, etc. Everyone is rooting for them. Well tough titty for them. This week's Seal of Ackbar goes to said matchup, specifically to GB, because:

  1. Green Bay in January? I believe Mike Vick vanquished that myth.
  2. Seattle looked impressive last week.
  3. Hasselback will not be dumb enough to make any pretentious statements, thus angering the football gods. BTW, Farvre is not a football god. More like a demi-god. Like Hercules, but with more painkillers.
  4. Speaking of said deities, they do not look kindly on this type of crap (thanks KSK):

I made it to the :23 mark before reaching for the ether. I lasted longer watching 2girls1cup.

So there you have it. Green Bay fans, your fatness pleases the gods (and myself for that matter), but you gotta admit, you brought this upon yourself. Or at least, a power mad grade school music teacher did. I suggest you go fix his ass before prediction turns into reality.

Packers 17 Seattle 21. Favre throws a game clinching pick, and domestic abuse spikes across the Midwest.

*"Ben Hands" is an affliction first diagnosed back in 2000, when our Quaker friend showed blazing speed, but an almost preternatural ability NOT to catch a football.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

And now 6 months of ennui

Figure 1-1: PSU goes into hibernation.

So OSU lost last night, and the college football season is over. Personally, I couldn't cheer for OSU last night. I have respect for Boeckmann, Wells, and the OSU DL. Still, Laurinitis just bugs me. I watched the first half of last night's game, with special attention payed to said award winner. He couldn't shed a block, was not challenging the LSU RBs to do anything special, and did not impress me in coverage. When he did get a tackle, he was usually NOT the first person in.

I don't see it. James L. has a very special DL, and they make the majority of the plays. I personally think Grant played better, but for some reason Laurinitis kept getting compliments. I hope I wasn't the only person who noticed.

The best thing for James to do right now is to stay another year at Ohio. Last night, he didn't even appear competent, and showed no real instinct. He is not even close to AJ Hawk at this point, and any team that wastes an early draft pick on him seriously needs their GM's head checked. Of course, his draft value is still high, will have a good combine, and he probably will enter. I'm just glad that the Eagles don't have an urgent need for LBs right now. Of course, if they get Connor, I will not complain.

So now no more college football, at least until late April. Selah.

I hated this time of year at PSU. No football until April, but by then anyone with a decent major was getting ready for finals, preparing for some kind of research project, etc. It sucked. Compound that with the absolute horrorshow that is the weather/lighting conditions at PSU from Jan-May, and one has the answer to the question of increased domestic abuse. It's cold, like the north pole of Neptune cold. The sun doesn't come out, and the wind always kicks up on the East side of campus. Coming home at night gives ya the flavor of how the Germans felt on their long march back from Russia.

Personally, I feel that many of us MEs had it worse. A good portion of our classes were in Leonard or EES, which is located out by the golf course. This involved crossing Atherton, which if you hit the lights just right was a small victory in your day.

Really, there is nothing to do up school but go to class, work, and drink. And drink. And drink.

It would seem that I hated PSU from the above passages. This interpretation would be largely incorrect. For 2/3 of the year, PSU is heaven. One has to rely on good friends, booze, hockey, nicotine, and the occasional trip to Sera-Tec for plasma "donations" to distract from the bad months. Which are all solid, considering they all contributed to somehow shortening my life (even hockey. always had to watch at the sports cafe. stupid pitt broadcasting area). The point i am horribly trying to make here is that PSU was worth it. I would do it all over again. Twice. Maybe next time i'll choose a different major, tho.

On to new matter. I stated above that one has to fill in the gaps while you were up there with mind-altering (legal) activities. Since I don't have to make any more trips to sponge out my plasma, and am trying to quit smoking altogether, the void has to be filled. Most people, myself included, turn to sports. Since my ankles suck and can't play rugby anymore, i decided to start passively looking around.

Once in awhile, like this year, PSU is showing up with a (relatively) good basketball squad. We've won our B10 openers on the road agains speed bump Northwestern, and more importantly, the struggling Illinois team. So good for us. I hope I don't jinx it, but I think I'll start following them. College hoops still has that air of dignity that the pros haven't possessed since Jordan entered the league. So for the future, expect draft updates, legal updates, and maybe some extremely uninformed basketball data. Also, follow the links on the side to TNL for wrestling info, and BSD for more informed opinions about everything.