Thursday, May 1, 2008

Favorite Tailgate Food/Drink

"Gluttony ain't a sin if it's good and you ain't full"

This post is solely dedicated to accelerating onset cirrhosis. Let's get started....

Moose Juice

Figure 1-1: Trust me on this one

PSU Tailgate Experience: I cannot remember a relevant tailgate without this sweet nectar.

Secret Formula:
  • 1 large handle of vodka.
  • 1 case of beer (12 0z. cans).
  • 1 large container of powdered Country Time Lemonade (not pink). For Vitamin C purposes.
  • 1 10lb. bag of crushed ice.

Add all contents into mixing container. Stir furiously. Enjoy.


  • Skippies.
  • Happies.
  • Easy to make.
  • Great starter drink if beer is not suitable at 7 AM.
  • Counter-intuitively tastes phenomenal.
  • Destroys lingering hangover.
  • Has attained cult status.
  • Prolonged use leads to wanton carnality. Yes, that's a pro.
  • It takes a community to make. Makes for great bonding, as in the-tribe-has-worked-together-toward-a-common-goal kind of thing. Assign specific duties and you will see what I mean.
  • Accelerates the flow of time.
  • Goes quickly.
  • One 5-gallon mixing container.
  • Big spoon. No, not Mike Y.
  • Large plastic cups.
Ingredients/variations Tried:
  • Beer-Coors Light or Miller Light will do.
  • Vodka-you can go on the cheap here, but as your attorney, I would advise one big honkin' bottle of Skyy.
Conclusions: As noted above, this drink has almost attained a "cult" status. Let me explain....

If talking to an unfamiliar PSU alum, mention the term and what is in it. They will either knowingly nod with a smirk, or will give you the look my dog used to give me when I would urinate with him outside on his morning walk. That is, a look of bewilderment. Instinct will tell him/her that beer and vodka in the same concoction is a bad idea. Then the alcoholic instinct kicks in. Another way to get f'd up on gameday? Sign me up.

In the tailgating environ itself, the first question normally asked by a rookie has to deal with what is in it. There face will turn sour, and they will seem reticent. I know I was.

Then they slowly knock the first cup back. Bliss ensues, and then they realize all the pros are already quickly devouring the juice. Soon there will be none left.

Possible Side Effects:

Most Notable Experience:
Last year, the crew (pictured above. note the container) traveled to Michigan. We located our tailgate at the high school across the stadium, and next to the entry way to the high school fields. Within one hour, my friend Kevin had the cooler on his shoulder and all PSU fans entering were sticking their heads out of the car, and taking long gulps. God, I love being a PSU fan.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

What I Hate Most.....

...About college football could probably be summed up in these articles:

A meeting of all of the heads of the major football families was called in an oceanfront resort. That's the first problem: these meetings should be held in not so forgiving climates. Say, Fairbanks in February. With nothing to do but stay inside, I am pretty damn sure that more would be accomplished in a shorter period of time.

Second problem: admittedly, I may be reading too far into this, but why does ND have as much say as the head of a major athletic conference?

Mike over at BSD already echoed how many of us feel about ND influence on college football scheduling, so I'll let him tackle that one. Football pun, get it?

Moving on; this quote gets me:

"I continue to sense a certain comfort level, if you will, with the current status of things with the BCS," BCS coordinator John Swofford said after Monday's session. "I think it's been a pretty stable few years."

It's been a stable few years in that 1) OSU gets destroyed in the BCS championship game (not that they have horrible teams, but still...), and 2) we don't get the two best teams in said game.

Onto Jim Delany, aka the boy-king of the Big 10. Here are some relevant quotes:

"Big Ten commissioner Jim Delany said Monday that moving to a plus-one would equate to a playoff, and he sees no support for that option among the league's presidents."

"'The perception that the Big Ten and Pac-10 are holding this back is not right,' Delany said, after exiting a Tuesday morning meeting of conference commissioners and bowl and television representatives at an oceanfront hotel here. 'We're seen as obstructionists when we did what we did to evolve the system. The calls for change are external. Ask others here how strongly they feel for a call for change. I don't see it.'"

"'I think there are a lot of other people who like where they are, but they should say it," Delany said. "There are others in the room who like where we're at. There are no raised voices here. Everybody's mind is open for discussion.'"

I am sure on this occasion, as with many others, Coach Paterno, the SEC, the ACC, etc. will disagree with the intentional ignorance on display by the evil that represents my conference. Delaney knows he still has leverage as long as the Pac-10 stays with him, and the contract for the Rose Bowl between the two conferences continues beyond 2014; thus, he can still insist that the demand for a system that actually might work is just not there, until someone steps forward and directly challenges him. Petulant. Child.

Progress in sports is necessary. Sports evolve like most biological organisms: if something isn't needed or is excessive, it is removed. Roger Goodell has long since realized this truth: he has the greatest show in sports, and would like to keep it that way. A big problem for Goodell was the public image of the league (PacMan, Vick, etc.). The problem is still there, but has been greatly reduced in the relatively short time Goodell has been in charge.

So what should change in NCAA football? A plus-1 would be a start. Down the line, I would opt for an eleven game schedule for every team, no more, no less, and no mandatory amount of home games. In this way, we would rid ourselves of the cupcake schedules that PSU, and most other teams, are forced to endure. In short, in order to get to the playoffs, you will have to play a more interesting out of conference schedule. Admittedly, this might damage the smaller conferences; I haven't figured out all the angles yet so BACK OFF.

But still, I could handle an Alabama, or an FSU on our OOC schedule in lieu of playing Temple, Central Michigan, and/or Akron in the same year. The fans deserve more.

Please note that my most hated aspect of college football right now is not the diploma mills (OSU), the gladiator academies (USC), or the convicts produced (most any Florida school). It's the people who run the show. What I believe they fail to realize is that college is THE show on Saturdays for most of the football world. The money will always be there, I would just like to see them man-up, and improve the system for the good of the fans and the game.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Philadelphia-We're not the only ones...

...that act in furiously stupid ways.

Exhibit A:

...And Exhibit B:

Figure 1-1: Thanks, ya frogs....

On a meteorologically nice day, these guys would be dead. And yes, we might hesitate on killing the short, fat pig man. But only momentarily. This town loves roasted pork.

That is, to say, I understand what they are trying to do; it's just inane for the following reasons:

1) Rocky lost.
2) Every time someone puts a jersey on a statue in this town, that team loses. Seriously, it's the kiss of death. Let's just hope the streak keeps up.

EDIT: no sooner than I write this, Hatcher takes a stupid boarding penalty. The result: a 5 minute major, 10 minute misconduct, two goals and the game momentum go to the Habs. Is it because I touch myself, Lord?

DOUBLE EDIT: The Lord sayeth no, and smiles on the orange faithfull. He still hates Hatcher, tho'.