Monday, April 14, 2008

Favorite Talgate Food/Drink

"Gluttony ain't a sin if it's good and you ain't full".

In an ongoing effort to destroy your cholesterol count, the second post in this reoccurring feature will be dedicated to that subtle little appetizer...

Marinated Mozzarella

Figure 1-1: Lactose intolerant people would find these worth it.

PSU Tailgate Experience:
  • 2005: B & W, Minnesota, Ohio State, Orange Bowl
  • 2006: Central Michigan (i think)

Suggested Purchase Amount: Go for the big container, fatboy. Cram that shit in.

Purchase From:

Claudio Specialty Foods

924-26 South 9th St.

Philadelphia, PA 19147

Toll Free 866-313-FOOD • Tel:(215) 627-1873 • Fax:(215) 627-2320

Notes: Ask the nice Italian lady behind the counter for storage tips. She is a nice woman, but virtuous. Further, most supermarkets now offer good knock-offs of the fresh made stuff. Just rinse it, add a few tablespoons of olive oil, and some dried basil, oregano, and red pepper to get the suitable clone.


  • Easy to store
  • Keeps fresh remarkably well
  • Watching Richard (not pictured) lose it when I used to bring them to his apartment for games
  • Tastes clean
  • Everyone loves mozzarella
  • Dick jokes


  • Some jerk will loudly announce his stupidity by alluding to something made by Polly-O. You may correct them in any suitable fashion, which for me would be tossing the obligatory vegetable dish at their heads, because nobody comes to a tailgate for rabbit food. In fact, I recommend you toss it regardless. Hi jinx ensue...
  • Jerks who will start popping them in their mouth, and then reach back in the container for more with their bare hands.


  • Toothpicks. Don't bring many, because the above-mentioned jerk will eventually show up, leading to a bare fingered free-for-all-slobber-fest. Insert genital humor here.
  • Napkins. They are covered in olive oil.

Serving Instructions: Buy them, rotate'em every 6 hours if need be. Place them anywhere in the tailgate. Start seeing who can sink one in their friend's mouth from long distance. Again, genital humor.

Conclusions: You really can't mess up with these. Everyone likes them, and it works in all weather conditions.

If you really want to appease the salad folk after throwing their dish at them, just tear up some fresh basil, halve some grape tomatoes and the mozzarella, and add all components to a large bowl. Thoroughly mix, and add some drops of Balsamic Vinaigrette to it. Remember, chicks dig someone who can cook.