Friday, September 21, 2007

Lou Holtz Gives Inspirathonal Speeth

The fix is in. That walking bag of Notre Dame ust jinxed us. Inspirational speech my ass. All he did was rehash everything bad about this streak that players don't want to hear.

It's so bad, i don't even want to put the youtube clip up.

Life on the Road, Cage:
Me and Mike set out around 230 yesterday afternoon for pittsburgh. Even tho i am diehard philly, I have to admit: Pittsburgh really has made positive moves to improve its image to us heathens. It looks clean. Heinz field is incredible. PNC park should be filled every night. O yeah.

Update: couldn't find any old german. I blame deeb. Substituting it with American Light, aka, "blackout juice".

So in recap: Lou Holtz speech, no Old German. The good? Zac had our host's dog hump asian rob on the couch, so i guess that kind of evens things out.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Game Thoughts

Before I leave, time for my short preview.

Offensive Line: solid. Probably the only unit that hasn't really malfunctioned for the Wolverines. Since this is where the ball begins every play, they have the advantage here. Expect Long to be an absolute beast. My advice? Attack where he isn't.

RB: Hart will be shouldering the burden of beating PSU. His line is good, and Hart rarely makes mistakes; hence why I have him ranked as the top RB in the B10. Yes, he is clearly better than PJ Hill. Weakness? Well, before this year, Hart rarely fumbled. He has fumbled in every game this year in which the opponant had a semi-conscious defense. Still, he is quick to the outside and can block.

WR/TE: Manningham and Arrington pose a dangerous all around threat. The trick is getting them the ball. I know absolutely nothing about Michigan TEs.

QB: I will say this about Mallett: the kid actually enjoys the game. Which is great when Mike Hart is bludgeoning the other team's D into submission, and you are only forced to throw 15 times. The caveat is that he looked comfortable in the red zone: 3 TD passes. One can only wonder why, when the game was easily in hand, they didn't give Mallett more of an opportunity to throw and get comfortable? He only completed 7 passes.

He is about as mobile as Morrelli, which is good considering he stands 6-7. And he has no clue how to celebrate in the endzone. I have the feeling he will greatly improve on this in the next 3-4 years.

ST/K: Emporer Zoltan the wise and terrible overlord is a great punter-he was Michigan's best player through the first two games. Michigan lost Sears due to drugs, but most fans don't really see this as a loss. FG unit is still suspect, but KR and PR are on par with PSU.

D-line: The line finally had a good week, although staring at Jimmy Clausen would make go into "Waterboy" mode. If the front 4 get no pressure, Michigan will have to rely on it's back 7 for coverage. Which they don't want to do.

LB/DB: Weak in coverage. Every team that has gotten some pocket protection has beat them by spreading them out. LBs showed chutzpah last week in stopping the running game, albeit against ND. I fully expect Crable to be providing pressure on every play. App. state and Oregon both had success running outside of the tackles.

Penn State
O-line: We are hurting. Shaw is out, making our right side a bit under experienced for what they are going to be facing. Reports indicate Wisnewski did look competent last week, but this is Michigan. The are going to attack Morelli from the get-go. The answer? Either keep Quarless lined up on the right side, or keep Kinlaw or Hahn out there for blocking on the passing downs.

RB: It was stated preseason that Scott does well when he has no pressure on him, as shown by the Orange Bowl stats. Doesn't translate here-Michigan = pressure. I expect him to fumble and be benched. Insert Kinlaw and the theme song from "Rocky".

QB: ugh. Morelli is the most bi-polar qb in college football. There are plays where he looks stellar. Than he throws up a pick-6 to ND. I don't get it.

WR/TE: Bell and Golden are right there in talent level with Michigans wideouts. Our other wr/hobbits have shown incredible possession skills in the last few games given that the passes were mostly off target. Just once i would like to see King get hit in stride with some room to work. TE teetotaler Quarless is simply going to rule this game over the middle and in the red zone. Provided the game plan calls for passes over the middle and in the red zone. DAMMIT.

ST/K: Junior Jeremy Boone is the only mortal that blood-god Zoltan bows to in the B10. Kelly has been superb with touchbacks, and has shown marginal improvement in FG. The punt return of Zbikowski in the ND game still gives me pause with our coverage.

D-line: Ever game these guys are getting better. This week they face the first real test-the Mich. o-line. I expect them to receive plenty of LB support, and would have loved to see Abe Koroma playing in this game. Their plan will be simple-stop Hart from running up the middle. Let the LBs take care of the flanks.


Any fan of either team that states that there team is definitively going to win is lying to your face, and you should tell them that baby Jesus just cried.

On one side, this game will come down to if Hart can strap Michigan on his back and make them win. Can the PSU def stop him? I think so, but it is still a tall order given Mich's line is full of pimps, not hos.

On the other side, what will the PSU gameplan be? They tend to be Duke-like conservatives on the road, especially against Michigan. JoePa state in his PC this week that we will be playing "our-style" of football, which gives me the Heebie Jeebies.

Michigan will win if:
...Hart dominates, setting up easy passes for Mallett-see last week. The Michigan Defense gives up less than 17 Points. Hart doesn't fumble.

Key player of the game: Hart. Surprise.

PSU will win if:
...We spread the field with 4 receivers. Morelli gets 3-4 seconds in the pocket. We win the turnover battle. Kevin Kelly hits all field goals. Openning up the playbook earlier, say second quarter.

Key player of the game: Morelli. Specifically, Morelli to Quarless.

Final Prediction: hold onto your sphincters, I have no idea what PSU is going to come out with. PSU 24-14.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

DECAF ALERT (aka shennanigans)

RUTS is reporting that there may be a chance DICK (emphasis added) Honig will be part of the officiating staff this weekend:

"Dick Honig will be the replay official in Ann Arbor for this weekend’s Penn State - Michigan game. You’ll remember Honig as the official Joe Paterno infamously chased down following a blown call in the 2002 Iowa game. What was it about Tony Johnson and those two-feet-in-bounds catches that were always ruled incomplete? Did he wear green shoes or something?
Incidentally, Honig was also the replay official that granted Jordan Norwood’s circus touchdown against Buffalo last week. The more insane Penn State supporters are already working the “he just gave us the touchdown so make it look less obvious when he screws us next week” angle. I’m not ready to make that leap.
As a backgrounder, here’s Honig’s story:
He worked as an on-field official for 22 years in the Big Ten and now works in a supervisory role and replay official for the conference while also living in Ann Arbor. He’s a 1963 graduate of the University of Michigan with bachelor’s and master’s degrees in Kinesiology. He was an All-Big Ten shortstop on the Wolverines national championship baseball team in 1962. He coached for ten years at Michigan as an assistant basketball coach and assistant baseball coach.
One area of Dick’s office is a tribute to the University of Michigan. A picture with an aerial view of the stadium, several inscribed baseball bats, and the famous “Block M” memorabilia are immediately visible."

Yer darn tootin' this angers me. Given the refereeing boners on BOTH sides of the ball, and given that PSU still got the worst of these calls, i would think that the B10 would acquire some kind of impartiality, officiating-wise.

A warning to Dick: I will be in attendance, and I will be paying attention. And I have magic powers which are activated by alcohol. For instance, I once soared down a stairwell, naked, clutching an empty forty. The forty broke, but I didn't. So how's that make you feel, Dick? Huh?

Figure 1-2: I will take you down. I will take you down to Chinatown

And I still blame Jim Delaney for everything.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007


...we're off.

On Thursday night, i will be packing my bags for Ann Arbor. Me and 14 other Neanderthals in two RV's, 4 days, 1 carton of smokes, 25 cases of old german, 5 bottles of vodka, poker chips, and no showers. It's almost like an adult version of the physical challenge from double dare. With haneous chemicals and vulgarity abounding. And plenty of vice and sin.

Figure 1-1:nobody does it finer than Herman the German

A big shout out to my friend Ben-he just shipped off to Iraq, so he will not be making it this year. On the one hand, i will greatly miss Ben drunk off two beers and insinuating relations with every ones' mothers. On the other, he is hands down the stinkiest Quaker on this planet. He will be missed, and we will raise many OGs in his name. And his mother (whom i refer to as "the stink pig". she likes it) is fair game.

This week i shall be recording the events whenever physically possible. Expect many drunken spelling errors and dick jokes, as well as pictures that will prevent any of us from ever holding public office.

Lastly, we have 15 tickets in the PSU alumni section, all in the same row. Any thoughts or suggestions as to what we should paint on ourselves is greatly appreciated.


Y'all will have to excuse the plainness of this site for the time being. First time blogger and all that. Trying out multiple looks to see what works, what doesn't, etc.

That being said, welcome. No ramblings today (see above), as i am already well caffeinated and full of pain medication. O yeah, and i have work to do before my visit to Ann Arbor.