Shut'n Down for Awhile

Fig. 1-1: See ya in August.

Closing down 'till this fall. Why? This off-season made me over expand and go off topic, and I really just have nothing useful to add until August.

Enjoy your summer.

On Vacation....

Fig 1-1: A very accurate depiction of my morning

Tuesday Potpourri

Last night, I stayed up to watch the awesomeness of the Stanley Cup final; lucky for me it went into some hot overtime action. It was weird-I informed Zac by mid 2nd period that he should get the razor out, and for 19:26 into the third, I appeared to be right.

Not so much......

So what does this mean? Once again, I start cheering for Detroit to just end it all, and the Philly curse is unwittingly cast upon them. Well screw that. GO PITT!

Moving on.....

Quick Links

• With Leather has now come up with the best anecdote to ever begin a post with.
• WWTDD reports on Nick Hogan's borderline sociopath tendencies. The Superficial was kind enough to update us on the legal proceedings.

Philly Stuff

• Chase Utley is a golden god. Because no way could a person that handsome be mortal.
• Naturally, we can't go more than a few weeks without some drama in the Birds' locker room. Lito Shepphard hasn't shown up for a voluntary workout. Big fucking deal. It's voluntary, right? Yes? Than I don't care. Sometimes I really hate the Philly media. Just, for once, report what happened, and let it go at that. And yes, I am aware that 99% of the team was there. Still don't care. Given his injury history, this is only preparing our team for the inevitable week 3 scenario.
• Sami Kapanen retired (ed-from the NHL). It's a shame: he never really clicked with the Flyers after the '04 playoffs, and was relegated to the checking line. He never showed any sign of resentment in his demotion, and played hard every night without complaining. Good luck playing back home, Sami. Drop us a line sometime.
• Paul Domowitch is reporting that the Cowboys are the team to beat. I call shenanigans; the Cowboys have shown the uncanny ability in the last two season to peak too early, and bow out in the playoffs. My top 10? Glad you asked:

1. New England-cheating be damned, that team is still frightening.
2. Indianapolis-Still got Peyton, and a subpar defense.
3. Jacksonville-Not sold on Silky Garrard yet. Good D and running game, tho'.
4. New York Giants- Still finding ways to win.
5. Cleveland- They got Horse Balls Anderson; however, he did look shaky at the end of last year. Regardless, they return most starters and made great acquisitions.
6. San Diego- They retained most of their team, including LDT and Merriman.
7. Cowboys- Now makin' it rain!
8. Steelers- Stilly Mcbeam is the gayest mascot, and will continue to haunt this team. My advice? Get some cheerleaders to cancel that mojo.
9. Green Bay- their defense steps up, Rodgers puts up marginal numbers, and Ryan Grant improves. This team can do good things.
10. Buffalo-Paul Posluszny has his first pro-bowl appearance

You probably have noticed that I left the Eagles off. I did this because I wanted to make a list unbiased by my homerism; this was the only way I could see how.

Secondly, at this point, I have no clue on how the Birds are going to do this year. As of today, I could see them being as high as 5th on the chart given the way they finished the season; I could also see them tanking again.

God, I miss football.

Favorite Tailgating Food/Drink

"Gluttony ain't a sin if it's good and you ain't full"

Been awhile since I posted one of these, but it's been worth the wait.....

Pepper Shooters

Fig. 1-1: Humina humina humina.....

PSU Tailgate Experience: Every tailgate beginning in the '05 season.

Suggested Purchase Amount: Always go for the large container. Pack 'em in, and then add some of the drippings to keep the jewels properly hydrated. Rotate every hour or so.

Purchase from:

Fig. 1-2: So good they dedicated a wall to it. Next to the above is an entire wall dedicated to Frank Rizzo.

http://www.dibruno.com/

Notes: When purchasing, always check the color of the prosciutto inside. If it's more pale then a healthy pink, select another pepper; the now-ruined item has been sitting in the olive oil too long, and will most likely be salty. Further, pepper seeds really shouldn't be present.

If you do have the opportunity to hit DiBruno's you should do so. You will know when you are there when you enter the store and see:

1. Tight quarters
2. Multiple kinds of aged meats and cheeses hanging from the ceiling.
3. A picture of Mussolini

Fig. 1-3: A glutton's heaven

Further, always go for the red ones (see fig. 1-1). While waiting in line, don't be shy about sampling the world's finest meats and cheeses. When in doubt, ask questions; the staff there rules.

Ingredients (Traditional):

• Marinated cherry peppers
• Sharp Provolone cheese
• Prosciutto

Pros:

• Readily available
• Taste incredible
• Short prep time-just need to plate 'em
• Go great with mozzarella and beer
• Any ingredient by themselves makes for good eatin'
• You luckily found the hot one! Your mouth is on fire!

Cons:

• You mistakenly find the hot one! Your mouth is on fire!

Implements:

• For people with social graces, a knife and plate will be necessary.
• For everyone else, a napkin/paper towel will suffice.

Interesting Facts:

• Many believe this food originated up in a Rhode Island Deli called Daniele Foods.
• It is rumored that the name comes from the phonetic "prosciutto", i.e. "pro-shoot-o", and the Italian (lazy) habit of not pronouncing the last letter in a word if it is a vowel. Or something.

Conclusions: Most alternate places I have purchased these from (commissaries, random delis, etc.) each produce a very good version, so if you can't make it to south Philly, you will still get a good product.

I have to stop posting this type of material before lunch.

More Stuff...

By now, you should have heard about Maryland luvin' LJ Sr. like a fat kid loves cake; he hustled two more stellar recruits, Brandon Felder and Sean Stanley, from Larryland's talent pool.

Not that I am hating on the trend, but for us part-time (ed-lazy) bloggers, this sudden damburst of recruiting talent has left us struggling to keep up.

Since I am one hell of a guy (and handsome to boot), I will provide you other hacks out there with a time saving device that in the biz we like to call a form paragraph. Form paragraphs are a must in my line of work, and enable one to efficiently describes a multitude of situations in a timely, pre-written format. Kind of like Mad Libs for adults, sans the cockhumor.

Areas to be filled in/suggestions are in parenthesis.

(Date)

_______(FOS, RUTS, Rivals, BSD) is/are reporting that recruiting demigod LJ. Sr. continues his silver tongued ways, this time stealing the highly-touted ______(Maryland, Virginia) recruit ________(recruit's name) from _______(institutional name) _________(Academy, Prep, High School, Gladiator Academy).

For Defensive Lineman
______(recruit's name) finished his junior year voted all-_____(state, conference, metro) by the ____(relevant newspaper), racking up __ tackles, __ TFL, __ sacks, __ forced fumbles, and/or _____(other relevant statistic). Here's the gamefilm:

(youtube clip of him separating a "skill position" player from their shoes/consciousness/dreams).

The scouting report on _____(recruit’s name) describes him as possessing _______(a good motor, good technique, good explosion, balance, a high midichlorian count)

(HS coaches relevant quote)

_____(recruit's name) is reporting a 3.__ GPA, as well as ______(ACT, SAT, equivalency). Stars be damned, this kid has got offers from ______, ______, and _______ (VT, Michigan, Illinois, OSU, Texas, Maryland, Notre Dame, other relevant program), and it never hurts to steal one from those teams.

For DBs
____(recruit’s name) finished his junior year voted all- _____(state, conference, metro) by the ________(relevant newspaper), racking up ___ interceptions, ___ passes defended, ___ tackles, and/or _______(other relevant statistic). Here's the game film:

(youtube clip of a safety without a conscience, or CB showing blazing reaction skills. Special team return skills should be added as necessary)

The scouting report on _____(recruit’s name) describes him as _______(scrappy, deceptively quick, quick to react, gangbuster, ballhawker, smart, leader, Jesus-like)

(HS coaches relevant quote)

______(recruit’s name) is reporting a 3.__ GPA, as well as _________(ACT, SAT, equivalency). Stars be damned, this kid has received offers from _________, ________, and ___________ (VT, Michigan, Illinois, OSU, Texas, Maryland, Notre Dame, other relevant program), and it never hurts to steal one from those guys.

Optional
______(recruit’s name), also doubles as a return guy, so we could potentially get some bonus use out of him.

WR
____(recruit’s name) finished his junior year voted all- _____(state, conference, metro) by the ________(relevant newspaper), racking up ___ catches, ___ running yards, ___ TDs, and/or _______(other relevant statistic). Here's the game film:

(youtube clip of player one handing grabs, catching the long ball, breaking tackles, blocking downfield, hugging his momma)

The scouting report on _____(recruit’s name) describes him as having_______(having excellent hands, break-away speed, blocking skills, leadership skills, nunchuck skills)

(HS coaches relevant quote)

______(recruit’s name) is reporting a 3.__ GPA, as well as _________(ACT, SAT, equivalency). Stars be damned, this kid has received offers from _________, ________, and ___________ (VT, Michigan, Illinois, OSU, Texas, Maryland, Notre Dame, other relevant program), and it never hurts to steal one from those guys.

Optional

______(recruit’s name), also doubles as a return guy, so we could potentially get some bonus use out of him.

______(quote of recruit's reason for coming to PSU. Should include praise of LJ Sr., and not of other, less talented coaches)

Welcome to Happy Valley _____(recruit's name)!
_______ (WE ARE, FOR THE GLORY OF STATE)

So there ya go; next time LJ snags another big fish, just use the above, and save yourself some time. Modify as you see fit; however, if you do, in fact, use my above work, I demand compensation in the form of one (1) monkeyboy the next time I roll into town.

Pucks

Moving on to hockey, the Pens done got worked again. As With Leather has pointed out, this series is more or less an extension of this:

Ugh, I feel for ya Pens fans.

More Recruiting News

Larry Johnson Sr. cemented his "best recruiter, EVER" status by landing yet another recruit. This time, it's Stephon Morris, another Greenbelt MD product. I'm serious: LJ Sr. owns Maryland and NOVA.

"Not the biggest corner, but he makes up for that by be so smooth. He is as technically sound of a corner as you'll find. Very fluid backpedal and outstanding closing speed. He anticipates well and sticks to receivers like glue. His toughness and strength help him against big wide receivers. Also an outstanding return man on special teams."

True, he is only 5'9", but that is more than enough to get it done in college. Return man on special teams? Scrappy guy that doesn't back down? Sign him up.

The report from Scout doesn't show any stars(which is typical this time of year), but look at the list of suitors: Louisville, Rutgers, Vandy, Tennessee, and Illinois. Good enough for me.

Let's see, commitment wise, that puts us at 5 DBs (kinda) locked in at this point; 3 CBs, 2 S. I already like the way this class is shaping up. Lets' grab some blue-chip RBs, a decent QB, and fill out the lineup.

Hockey News:
Pitt got worked last night in Detroit. For Pitt fans, I really wouldn't be down. Pitt had their share of open nets in the first, and just couldn't bury'em. Pitt hung well with Detroit through 2 periods-their only problem is that they stopped putting the puck on the net-taking bad penalties does this to a team(see Flyers, 2007-2008 season). This Pens team does not repeat mistakes, so expect a brutal game 2.

I Heart JoePa

As much as I disagree with the nepotism involved in the program, I still admire Joe Paterno. This is why:

Those opposing the playoff cited the sanctity of the regular season and the fact the players would be forced to miss too much class time. It could also extend the season into a second semester. Paterno rejected those rationales, noting the highly profitable Division I men's basketball tournament is more disruptive to its players.
"To be frank with you, I don't know what the reasons are not to have a playoff," Paterno said during a speaking appearance in Pittsburgh. "You can talk about missing class and all that kind of stuff, [yet] you see basketball go on forever. You have a lot of bogus excuses, but obviously the majority of people who have the say don't want it."

I will admit-the NCAA tournament does not happen around the holidays or finals, but still-other teams in the NCAA (baseball, rugby, etc.) have to deal with the calender obstructions, right? Why can't football?

"They said, 'Well, you've got to vote or else you can't participate.' So I will not participate in the voting," Paterno said. "Not that I'm against what other people want to do, it's just that philosophically I think you ought to win it on the field. If I have to vote for somebody only because people have said these are the two teams that ought to be in the BCS championship game and I think they left somebody out that probably ought to be in it, that's when I'll feel a playoff ought to be appropriate. I've always been for a playoff."

Tradition is not always a good thing. Tragically, change is slow in the realm of NCAA football.