Friday, January 4, 2008


And you know what that means....
Figure 1-2: "We can't repulse firepower of that magnitude"

Editor's note: I talk to lawyers quite a bit. The one yesterday ticked me off by asking to prolong an interview until next week, because he was going out to Seattle for the game. Besides billing his client at 300/hr just to talk to me, my morning was ruined due to 3 hours preparation for said interview. On a side note, his client is an idiot, judging by how he picked such poor representation.

Technically, one would think that there really isn't any trap game of the playoffs due to both contestants having been good enough to reach the postseason. Supposedly. The horrific NFC just flashed you the middle finger and said nuts to that. This week's Akbar award goes to the Seattle/Washington matchup.

Washington is coming into the post season riding high (*coughportiscough*); the defense has been playing lights out, and whatever hobo they found to QB can competently manage a game. Seattle, however, is playing like dogshit.

This is why the trap is on for Washington:

  1. Everyone is picking Washington to win.
  2. One expects to hear a pregame heart rendering collage of why this team is doing it for Taylor. They will reference the fact that the 'skins won by 21 last week to clinch a playoff spot. OOOOOOOOO. I am not impressed. If there was some kind of preternatural force at work here, i.e. the ghost of Taylor, I would fully expect that in this coming game, the 'skins will lose by 21. Why? Let's look at the "logic": it took Taylor a few weeks to get off his ghostly ass and influence a game, having expired a few weeks prior. Also note that the 'skins actually LOST their first game without him. Further, Taylor was a dick. This is the kind of move I expect him to pull. To will your old team into the playoffs from above (and deny the poor and suffering Saints fans. Jerk.), and then pull the rug out from underneath them, and then signalling exactly who did it would be the kind of move I would expect out of him. Even from beyond the grave, people really don't change.

So when the 'skins fall dick-first into the trap, don't come crying to me. You knew what you were getting into.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

It's a New Year

Thank God.

Below is a recap/update of all my favorite teams from the past year.

-Penn State: Failed expectations. This was supposed to be Morelli's maturing year, the one where he succeeds despite an undersized and under experienced OL. The opposite happened. However, I do feel good about this coming year. We have a favorable schedule, 16 returning starters, a good OL, a maturing DL, great RBs, CBs, S, etc. The pieces are still there. We need a leader and a little luck. And by that I mean a leader, LJ sr. to stay, and Jay to leave.

  • Michigan is known for developing QB talent, why can't we?
  • It is rumored that Collins at least had the balls to defy the offensive coaching scheme. Any chance we can get him back?
  • We need a placekicker. I do not want a game coming down to Kelly trying to make a FG over 40 yards (or any, for that matter). By the end of the year, he couldn't even force a touch back during kickoffs. Inexcusable.

Philadelphia Eagles: Too little, too late. With an OL that struggled the entire year, the Eagles were abysmal in the red zone. The DL was shallow at the ends-Abiarimi is not a starter, and Thomas/Cole had to shoulder the entire burden of the pass rush. We still need a WR.

  • Rumor is that the front office is meeting with Westbrook to restructure his contract. Praise Allah. The guy played every down he could and turned into a legitimate MVP candidate. Cancel his debt, give him a raise. Or better yet, overpay him again to make him act like the best damn RB in the league.
  • Drafting needs: 1) DE-we are very weak here. 2)OL/WR-i can't tell if this year's poor play was due to age, or just an off year. Everyone knows the Eagles still need a big WR. Curtis falters in press coverage, and Reggie Brown is only a legitimate #2. 3)S/CB-Reed and Hanson were godsends this year. We need depth-Shepphard has missed too many games recently, and Dawkins is on his last foot. The man is 35; Turn him into a coordinator, just keep him near the team. The D responds to him.
  • Preliminary draft-the Eagles resigned Gasperson, which means that they feel secure at WR not to draft one. Look for a free agent acquisition.1) Lawrence Jackson (USC), Jeremy Thompson (Wake), or Jason Jones (VT) would be nice fits and could definitely fall to the Eagles at the 19th spot.
  • Upside:Jordan, Bradley, Cole, Westbrook, Hanson, McNabb, Bunkley, Patterson, Gaither, Brown, Reed, Celek
  • Downside: Justice (even tho it is noted he played better against Buffalo. Wrong team from NY, but I digress), Jackson, LJ Smith(I hate him), Reagor, Kearse, Shepphard(sorry, too injured), Thomas (the one who renamed himself), McDougle (again, why does this guy have a job?),

-The Flyers-An excellent offseason restructured the entire team. This team is tough, gritty, and ornery. In short, a Philly team that won't lay down. They are steadily improving after a December slump. They like beating Pittsburgh.

  • I believe Les Bowen from the Inquirer wrote that the Flyers are slumping at the right time. It's tough to agree that slumping is a good thing; in retrospect he might be right. That putrid stretch at the beginning of December showed the Flyers their deficiency: everyone needs to play defense. Our D is still a step off, and everyone needs to step it up. Results? A three game winning streak, and Biron's numbers go back up. And hopefully I didn't just jinx them.
  • The Eastern conference is very tight right now. Hopefully, we get Gagne back soon, and make a good stretch run. I need to really look forward to a good Flyers team in the playoffs. This team provides the hope that wasn't there last year.

-The Phillies-Mozeltov for making an unprecedented run toward the playoffs, and thank you for giving this city a glimpse of the team's real potential. Even better, we knocked the Mets out. Take that, Seinfeld.

  • I hate to see Rowand go, but that is most likely going to happen. Best of luck to him, and I hope someone, besides the Mets, pay what he is worth. Utley, Howard, Hamels, Meyers, Kendrick, and J-Roll are locked in and this town is ready for the spring to roll around. I can't wait.

-The Sixers-I don't care.

Monday, December 31, 2007

It's Over

Figure 1-1: A Happy Ending

Alamo Bowl Observations/wishes for next year
I was extremely drunk, watching this game during a wedding. The gaps were filled in the next morning by my DVR. Yay technology! Yay functioning livers!
  • Our o-line are a bunch of beasts when it comes to the run game. Royster will run for 99999999 yards next year behind them.
  • Congrats to Kinlaw on a successfully ending collegiate career. The man is the definition of class. He should at least get a tryout on an NFL team.
  • Congrats to Connor. You were no Poz, but I am pretty sure that only one person on this planet is. I thank you for everything you have done for the program.
  • Congrats to Terrel Golden on a great senior year. Given the person passing to you, it was more than I could have hoped for.
  • Good job receiving corps-you made up for a lackluster 2006 season, especially Butler and D-Will. Am looking forward to another year.
  • Kevin Kelly-screw you, learn how to kick. We have been extremely patient with your ass. Either start making tough field goals or get the hell off the team.
  • I wish Clark would have had a pass attempt. Regardless, good job luggin' tha rock. See ya next year.
Final Morelli Rant
Well, our abusive relationship with Morelli is over. Please note that before he left, he gave a final homage to the Sex Cannon.
God Forbid, he ever come back as a coordinator. Now go tend bar.
Despite my hangover Sunday morning, I felt great. PSU had won the bowl game, and we can finally put behind such a Fulmeristic year behind us. Please, no more off field distractions.