Ugh

Figure 1-3: No need to panic

The recent slew of coaching changes gives me some pause. To start, safeties coach Norwood (Brian's pop) is leaving the program for Baylor. I have no problem with this-he has proven himself as a very competent coach, and he deserves his chance. Best of luck to him. PSU promoted Kermit Buggs, who scores a 10 out of a possible 10 points on the freakin' cool name scale. I just pray the man doesn't have a fat wife, for obvious reasons.

Last night, Petrino bowed out of the Atlanta job, for which I also have no problem with. See yesterday's post.

Lloyd "Get off my lawn" Carr leaves Michigan. Plenty of coaches are asked to take his spot, most notably Les Miles and Greg Schiano, and all decline.

The latest rumor is that LJ senior is leaving the den, so to speak. He can't leave, as he is by far my favorite coach. Not only does he know DL talent, he consistently produces NFL lineman. In short, he gets the most from his players.

The first vacuum I would like to address is the recruiting implications. To start, Norwood is our connection in the south. D'antonio Lynn, for example. I now doubt we will be seeing him in Blue and White.

What hurts even more is the recruiting gap if we lose LJ Sr. All reports indicate that the kids love this guy, and respond to him. Personally, I would like to see him as our next coach, but that will never happen due to JayPa and Bradley looking at the rights to succession.

We know from Kermitt's record that he does have a good history of coaching, and there was probably a good reason to hire him considering that Norwood is from Texas and most likely hates the weather in HV. But who is going to fill LJ's shoes if he leaves?

I hate to admit it, but FSU was right to name a successor. This at least puts aside the uncertainty of head coaching for the next few years. But we are not FSU.

In short, I fear that:

1. A coaching exodus is about to occur
2. Said coaching exodus is occurring because Joe is going to name Jay is his successor. Read that again. If that doesn't make you scream just at least lesser obscenities, then you really don't understand why our team was doomed to fail this year.

Of course, this is all rear-eschelon paranoia. But don't be surprised if you see my face on the above picture.

Also, I think LJ looks like Rolf, so it would entirely be a photoshoppers wet dream to see the Kermitt and LJ together.

Game last night....

Figure 1-2: He's innocent, right? That's why he should gain his immediate freedom?

Did anyone else want to throw their beverage of choice at the tv last night when roddy white lifted his shirt, revealing the above t-shirt? When one makes these statements, it almost looks like a war-cry from the falcons.

First off, "free ookie" would have been much more appropriate. And funnier, considering it looks like a 3-year old's handwriting. In crayon.

(seconedit-i lifted some of this off of KSK. yeah, i am that lazy)Second, let's review the facts:Mike Vick lied about slaughtering a bunch of dogs. To federal agents, his boss, etc. Then he sort of admitted it. Then he lied about it again...on a polygraph. then he failed a drug test while out on bail. Then, the guy plead guilty.

And of course, he killed dogs in some of the most inhumane ways possible. And let's not forget the rape stand.

Ignorance of this magnitude, on both white and vick's part, should never be rewarded. Instead, the inbread mouthbreathers of atlanta still cheered.

I use mike vick as a metaphor for rampant ignorance, ghetto behavior, and extreme lack in human morality. They (his backers) use it for to signify one man's struggle against repression.

I am pretty sure MLK is spinning in his grave right now.

Edit-it just occurred to me that the above t-shirt can be construed as the falcons are giving away Michael Vick for free for any takers. Just get rid of him. If it were this, then I am a Falcons fan. Given the stupidity of the moment, i am guessing it is the former. So. Fuck. Them.

nuts, bolts, connor got

Figure 1-1: An appropriate metaphor

No sooner than I bask in the warmth of Connor's Bednarik, some asshat determines that Laurinitis should win the Butkus award for the nation's best linebacker. Something seems amiss here. Let's look at the meaningful stats for linebackers (thanks TINNOMJ, and cfbstats)

"Dan Connor had 136 tackles this year, Laurinaitis had 103. Not even close, DC-40 Dominates.Dan Connor had 14 TFL, Laurinaitis had 8.5. DC-40 is better in this regard, it is a fact. Look it up.Dan Connor had 6.5 sacks, Laurinaitis had 5. Last time I checked, 6.5 is more than 5.Dan Connor had 6 passes broken up, Laurinaitis had 1.To be fair, Laurinaitis did have 2 Interceptions this year to Dan's 1. "

and in the spirit of fairness:

Jordan Dizon: 149 tackels, 11.0 TFL, 4.0 sacks, and 2.0 interceptions.

These are respectable numbers for Dizon, so congrats to his accomplishments this year. He did better than Laurinitis, as well.

So what happenned? Connor gets the award for best defensive player. Laurinitis gets the award for best linebacker. This seems a little counter-intuitive for me. Personally, I think Glenn Dorsey should have won the Bednerik, and Connor wins best LB. At least that would make sense.

it's been awhile.....

Figure 1-1: Remember, Dan, that you have to defile the corpse by urinating on it. Otherwise, it just keeps coming back.

A big congratulations to Dan Connor for winning the Chuck Bednarik award for college football's best defensive player. He beat out the notable DT from LSU, Dorsey (can't remember his first name and too hungover to research), and the less notable James Laurinits. So OSU can sukkit. Every month some asshat from OSU goes onto Scout.com shooting his man-pleaser off about how their school is the real Linebacker U. Do you have better linebackers? really? what hardware did you get.....awwwwwwwww. While I do admit Laurinitis is a good in pass coverage, that's about all he does well. And run stopping is kind of a good think in a linebacker. I am actually kind of impressed he won it over the Dorsey soul-eater.

So now onto the bowl season. We got Texas A&M. Interesting matchup. Remeber last time we met they bragged about how their linebackers were better? Yeah, that was good times.

The only thing I know about the Aggies is that Bear Bryant was once their coach. And Tom Beringer was too, i think. It was an espn special about 60 dudes in the texas heat, sweating on each other, cursing, and shirts off. There may have been football involved, but who has time for that?

(note: this is my most flagrantly non-gay post ever. If you even raise an eyebrow to what i wrote above, you are gay, ande i will question your manhood in public)

They are also horrible at building towers. Too soon?

On to other news

• The Eagles almost beat the Pats last night. If not for two god-awful passes, the outcome might have been different. As my roomate put it, "Feeley throws the ball too late in the route, and then hangs it up there". Yeah, that's about right. However, I found myself thinking during this game, "Is it me, or does this OL only block for qbs NOT named McNabb?" Dunno. Still, an inspired performance like that is worthy of being chronicalled in an anthem by Rush.
• Speaking of Futrama references:

Figure 1-1: Good News Everyone! The long wait is almost over

On to news around the Big Ten: Mike over at BSD is reporting that Kirk Ferentz is being considered for the head coach vacancy/power vacuum that is Michigan. Don't know what to think of this one. Iowa has underperformed since 2003. Other rumors include Tom Bradley going to Pitt as a result of Wannstache being demoted to waterboy.

In PSU news: Bowl announcements coming soon. Personally, I think a nice game agains a despondant Kentucky or Texas would be about right. Definately would watch that. Or an ape fight. Again, with the Futurama references:

Figure not shown because I couldn't find the picture from "Futurestock" of the Apefight. You get the metaphor.

Weird

While writing the former post, i remembered the dream I had last night. In it, Connor and Bradley were being interviewed about the MSU game. Bradley was yukking it up while Connor had the look on his face (see above picture). Finally, Connor had enough, and responded that the DEs did not have enough strength to "toss the tackles of MSU" (his words, more or less), and that we should have never played that rediculous soft zone. He alluded to the defensive performance in the first and second halves, and the major differences.

Bradley looked visibly stunned. I then went on to a dream where it was chic for everyone to wear Magnum P.I. type mustaches, which is ninjas-with-lasers cool.

Final Thoughts

The following is my summation of what is garnered from the 2007 trainwreck that ended in losing to MSU.

Many bloggers have already stated that this is a forgettable season. I for one, will never forget such wasted talent, such missed oppurtunities, and other tragic cliches to describe the Nitts season. I don't want to forget. Forgetting this season would not let me look back in awe of everything the 2005 team accomplished. Yes, I like to live in the past.

I put the onus squarely on the coaching for the shortcomings of this team, starting at the top:

1. Joe: cleaning the stadium was a great idea. However, you did not let them complete the season's cleaning. Further, destroying the offensive scheme the night before the Michigan game shows that either 1)you have no balls or 2)you have no faith in the offensive coaches. Lastly, you've publically gotten soft on the kids.
2. Jay and Galen: Shame on you for not standing up for your players. You did a shitjob in developing Morelli, and the fact that you use playstation games to train your players proves that point. Laslty, when an unheard of freshman RB is torching the MSU defense, you called four (4) pass plays in a game where Morelli, who is the antithesis of "clutch", is playing marginal. I guess I should thank you for giving the landgrant trophy back to MSU; that thing is a f^&king abomination.
3. Tom Bradley. What the hell is wrong with you? Playing soft zone so your d gets destroyed? Do you even understand what that does to their psyche? After the Illinois and Indiana games, it was even obvious to my mother that rushing 4 just does not work against a properly coached offensive line. Last week was an absolute disgrace, giving up a 24-7 lead in the second half to a team that went tete-a-tete with Michigan.

Don't get me wrong, I am very tolerant about mistakes. It's when you consistantly make the same mistake, or fail to adapt to the obvious (see gameplans from the past 10 years vs. michigan), one can clearly be labled as either dimwitted or insane.

I can not think of one example of a team, or season, that was ruined by its coaching staffs. Think about 3 of the 4 losses: Michigan, OSU, and MSU. I know our kids can out play the Michigan folk, and OSU might be a stretch. But, we'll never know because we simply got outcoached in every one of those games.

The caveat to this theory is the Illinois game: our defense made the necessary adjustments to beat Juice, but Morelli turned into the absolute clusterf#$k. Yeah, that's 2 f-bombs in one blog post. Clearly, I am very disturbed right now about the state of this team.

I wrote in one of my first posts on this blog that I don't know if Joe should be allowed to coach any more. I now have my answer. It's not just him, it's the people he has under him as well. What needs to be done? Previous culture just revolted and stormed the castle. Not a bad idea, I could use a little violence right now. For now, the coaching staff needs the metaphorical enema.

For one, I am now jealous of Michigan. LLoyd Carr is leaving, and they now have a great oppurtunity for change. We are stuck in a hopeless marriage that will never end in divorce. Kind of like the Clinton's circa 1985, but that turned out just fine.