Figure 1-4: The ultimate military leader. Egotistical, caring, and batshit crazy.
Chaplain: You wanted to see me, General?
Patton: Oh, yes, Chaplain. I'm sick and tired of Third Army having to fight the Germans, the Supreme Command, no gasoline, and now this ungodly weather. I want a prayer... a weather prayer.
Chaplain: A weather prayer, sir?
Patton: Yes, let's see if you can't get God working with us on this thing.
Chaplain: It'll take a pretty thick rug for that kind of praying.
Patton: I don't care if it takes a flying carpet.
Chaplain: I don't know how this is going to be received, General. Praying for good weather so we can kill our fellow man?
Patton: I assure you, sir, because of my intimate relations with the Almighty, if you write a good prayer, we'll have good weather. I expect that prayer within an hour.
Almighty and most merciful Father, we humbly beseech Thee of Thy great goodness to restrain this immoderate weather with which we have had to contend. Grant us fair weather for battle. Graciously hearken to us as soldiers who call upon Thee, that armed with Thy power, we may advance from victory to victory and crush the wickedness and oppression of our enemies and establish Thy justice among men and nations. Amen.
The weather's perfect. Cod, get me that chaplain. He stands in good with the Lord, and I want to decorate him.
--General Patton, the day after the Weather Prayer worked
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